What Do Ya Do With It?

I am just amazed at how tough parenting can be sometimes! My daughter has been really giving it a go lately. She’ll get all worked up and when I don’t react in a screaming maniac way, she just keeps dishing out her yelling and screaming. I can’t tell you how much self control I have to will myself to have. I want to yell back at her. Thank God that He is a sentence away. I stand there watching her explode at me and it is almost like an out of body experience. That sounds weird to write but I can’t think of another way to describe it. She is pushing the box wide open-actually I think the box is flat- and the sides are gone. She wants me to engage in her tirade. I don’t know if it makes her feel better or what, but I can tell that she is wanting me to react. I am floating somewhere else in the room shutting her voice out as I try and tune into God’s voice reminding me to have self control and that He will give it to me if I ask. It works let me tell you!

She falls apart at the simplest things too. The last draw for her was when I asked her to sit back down at the counter to finish her meal (she kept wandering around the house playing with the other kiddos). She wouldn’t sit still so I told her to sit in a particular chair and eat. She wanted to sit in another chair, but I said, “no.”

I know you’re wondering why I didn’t let her change chairs because who cares what chair she sits in to eat right? I know it sounds silly, but she always pushes the envelope a little further. I call it the “If You Give A Mouse A Cookie” syndrome. If I would have let her sit in the chair she would have come up with something else to not do what she was told. I know my daughter.

While she was sitting at the counter her brother said something that made her even more mad and decided to call him a name while screaming about having to sit at the counter. I had had enough of her attitude and told her she needed to get on her bed. She completely fell apart then. Of course in the middle of her screaming fit she is yelling her point that her behavior is not her fault at all and that if her brother and I had just been quiet she wouldn’t have to get mad and be out of control. Not the exact words she used, but you get the point.

On many occasions the two of us have had conversations about what you can control in life and what you cannot. One thing I keep telling her is that she cannot control other people’s behavior. I hope by the time she leaves this house she will have that down. She simply cannot get her brain wrapped around it. She is convinced in her six and a half year old mind that her reaction to everything is totally and utterly not her fault. She assures me through many tears and “why am I the only one who gets in trouble?” fits that if everyone just did what she wanted them to, she would not be out of control. Secretly we would all probably like everyone to just do what we want. Right?

She simply doesn’t get it. I’m hoping that it is a cognitive development drawback and by the time she reaches the next stage, she’ll be able to somehow grab onto the fact that she can only control her own behavior.

To be honest I just wanted to put her in bed and shut the door, but I could tell by the look in her eyes that that would have done damage to her impressionable Psyche. She was up on her bed (she has a loft bed) looking down at me crying her pretty eyeballs out and reaching down for me to take her in my arms. My brain kept telling my legs to walk out the door, but they didn’t budge. My arms reached out for her and took her down to the floor where the two of us sat and talked. Through her sobs she listened as I said again that she couldn’t control what her brother said to her, but she could make a decision to not “repay evil for evil” and do what “God would want you to do which is turn the other cheek.” I then began to pray out loud for God to help her have self control. I also prayed that God would give me wisdom and discernment while raising her. After praying with her I praised her for all the good things she does because I was feeling bad that she said, “how come I’m always the one who gets in trouble.” And I answered, “because your the one who is always yelling at me.”

I told her that if she sat quietly on her bed for twenty minutes and came out when the timer beeped she could come out and finish her dinner and have ice-cream while I read to her. I had already told her that she would lose both of those things when I sent her to bed, but because she was responsive to our conversation, I decided to reward her for her willingness to try. For her, I think she really needs some extra encouragement and quick positive reinforcement. She came out and apologized and was fine for the rest of the night. She is my Jekyll and Hyde for sure. If I survive her now, I’m sure I’ll be prepared for anything when she hits puberty! Who knows, maybe she’ll mellow out after getting it all out of her system-Is that wishful thinking? Needless to say, I am drained beyond drained.

Tomorrow is a new day and we can all start fresh.

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2 Responses

  1. Let me know when you figure it out, as we are going through the same exact thing over here with Bug. Maybe it’s the age, maybe the temperament. Either way it is draining and deflating. I just hope I am not giving him fuel for his therapist on down the road. I like your “if you give a mouse a cookie syndrome” because that is exactly what it is. I have gone out of my way to refrain from blogging about my frustrations with this “stage” just to not air my dirty laundry and paint him in a bad light. But trust me sister, I’m right here with you 🙂

  2. I’m sorry your having the same issues! It isn’t any fun!!! I hope it encourages you by reading that others are having the same issues and many before us have as well. God is good to supply all your needs. Although in the middle of it its hard to find any blessing or good out of it. Hang in there. I’ll be praying for wisdom for you too!

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